a day of mourning

As I awaken at 6 am on July 1, 2021, I feel an overwhelming of emotions and the not wanting to wake up. Begging my body and myself to ‘please go back to sleep’, a foolish attempt to void my emotions. The sun shines brightly thru the heaviness in the room, the heaviness that weighs on my heart and my spirit.

After an hr and half of tossing and turning, Spirit reminded me why I was on the road I was on. Years ago, after the death of my sister Too-Lee and nephew Arnold, died almost a year apart. I fell off the wagon of sobriety for a while… when I decided to stop drinking and smoking I had to sit with myself and make a decision whether to continue to do what I was doing and continue that downward spiral or begin my healing journey. The choice of starting my healing journey scared me, because I knew I was about the deal with some really deep traumatic experiences I avoided for years. I was about to come face to face with my demons, face to face with my triggers, face to face with my grief, face to face with it all.

This is what Spirit reminded me of, the agreement I had with myself few years ago, couldn’t escape to social media either, my Facebook wall was plastered with the colour Orange.

I couldn’t fight it anymore and finally gave in, I took 1 deep breath in and surrendered. The tears started flowing, the pain and sorrow of my ancestors seeped out of my eyes, the tightness in my chest crawled up and out of my throat, tears stung my cheeks. I cannot contain it anymore, the grief escapes from all my senses. I now feel my body and spirit being engulfed in a warm envelope of Love. My Ancestors are present..I can feel them.

There are no words in the English language to describe the ache you feel for your people, for the children who died, went missing, were murdered, abused, beaten and tortured. There are only tears, tears of unwritten words of the heart.

Today, thousands gather across Canada in honour of our uncovered children, our children that never made it home. We light our Sacred fires, we feast them, we acknowledge their lost Spirits and send them home to Gitchi-Mnidoo. We heal as a nation, we heal as one.

Miigwetch

#residentialschool #intergenerationaltrauma #215 #cancelcanadaday #everychildmatters #genocide